My Moment by Kristin Chenoweth & Kathy Najimy & Linda Perry & Chely Wright & Lauren Blitzer

Author:Kristin Chenoweth & Kathy Najimy & Linda Perry & Chely Wright & Lauren Blitzer
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2022-05-24T00:00:00+00:00

That same 9mm gun my parents had delivered to me all those years before—for my protection—was about to be the instrument of my death.

Just to be clear, I wasn’t going to end my life because I’m gay. I was about to end my life because I was tired: spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I’d spent so many years hiding the fact that I’m gay and I’d hit my rock bottom.

I set down the gun, went upstairs, crawled into bed, and continued falling apart until somehow, I fell asleep. When I awakened a few hours later, it was still dark outside. I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t make a beeline downstairs to that gun to finish myself off. I knew I was in trouble. So, I did something I hadn’t done in a long time. Prayer is a regular part of my life, but getting down on my knees to pray was something I hadn’t done since I was a kid.

Most of my other prayers in life included my asking God to either make me not gay or to help me keep my secret. Instead, a new prayer came out of my mouth. I said aloud, “Dear God, if you’ve got a way for me, I need to know it now. In your name I pray, amen.”

And much as it happened all those years before on that steel staircase, I heard my inner voice say, You’re going to die if you don’t take control of this situation. Get your head on straight and make a plan.

That was the moment that I realized I was ready to fight for myself. That was the moment I knew that I had to come out of the closet. And once again, I knew my strategy would matter.

In the months that followed, I paused a hundred times at that mirror, and even though I could still sort of see my reflection holding that gun, I knew I had a way out of the darkness. I wore a path from that spot in front of the fireplace to my dining room table where I sat for months, writing my coming-out memoir, Like Me.

And just as it happened all those years before, my saving grace was when I realized that the key to my survival was right there—at my fingertips—the whole time.

Writing and sharing my story became my superpower.

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